I’m The One I Should Love

I know I’m not lacking, but you make me feel that I am.

Relationships. Having a partner. Settling down.

For as long as I can remember, that’s all I’ve ever heard. From family, to friends, to acquaintances, it’s always the same, it’s all they ever ask. I guess at 25, that’s what people expect of you.

And I am getting tired of all these questions. Is that all you can think when we talk? Is that all that you can see when you look at me? Does my face screams ‘I need someone, I’m incomplete.’?

“Do you like someone?” you asked. “You should go out, meet people.” you proposed. “We’ll find someone for you.’ you pushed. As if looking for someone should be my top priority. As if being by myself is not enough. As if doing what I want to do and working on my dreams is insignificant.

Surely, if I’m being honest, there are times when I wonder if I will ever have that someone by my side, too. Because let’s face it, who doesn’t want to feel love? Who doesn’t want to be loved? No one.

But every time I make an effort for myself, you think it’s for someone else. You think that that’s what I want right now, that that’s what I need, but telling me all these only result in making me feel worse about myself. I know I’m not lacking, but you make me feel that I am.

Don’t look at me like there’s something wrong with me. I’m not incomplete. I’m not broken. And I am done letting you define me for one thing only. Who I am now is enough. I am enough.

And when that time comes when I would finally meet that someone, I would make sure that the choice to be with him is because I wanted to and not because somebody forced me to.

And right now, I’m the one I should love.


Featured image from Unsplash.

Published on Thought Catalog and Unwritten.

Hummingbirds | 08.04.2018

just a random day..

 

Really.
There’s nothing much to see here.
Just reconnecting with nature..
and my camera.

 


Still got tons of videos that needs sorting and editing from months back. *insert a confused-annoyed-tired-face-palming-procrastinating emoji*

“so give me give me my motivation.
give me give me my dreams.”
– So Long, And Thanks For All The Booze / All Time Low

Starfall

“To the stars who listen
— and the dreams that are answered.”

“To the stars who listen
— and the dreams that are answered.”

Glowing ever brighter – You,
The light complementing my dark.
The hope that made me feel alive,
Like the stars in my prison window,
Gleaming in my coldest and darkest days.

It all still feels surreal,
To gaze at you right now.
To lie with you, to feel you..
Here. With Me.
You chose me, My Cursebreaker.

And I’ll forever be grateful
For the stars listened,
And answered my prayers,
They blessed me with you,
My Salvation.

A life I never thought I’d have,
A dream turned into reality.
If when I open my eyes there is still you,
It is enough.
This life would be enough.

 



I finally started reading Maas’ A Court of Frost and Starlight and I am so excited that I just had to write something! 
Quote is from A Court Of Mist and Fury (2nd book to A Court of Thorns and Roses series.)

A Letter To A (Sort Of) Angel

Stars aligned..

“It happens like this.

“One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else–closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel–one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them–even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering–the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.”

Though here is a word of warning–you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn’t to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

– Lang Leav

Hello.

Has anyone told you today that you’re wonderful?

If not, then let me start this off by saying that You. Are. Wonderful.

Wonderful in the way that you light up a room with your presence, how you easily make people feel at ease, how you can make them laugh, or how you so compassionately help others. Wonderful in the way that you don’t even seem to realize it.

Though time has been short for us, I am still thankful that I met you. Truly Thankful. Without you even knowing, you helped me to believe that I am capable of more and I hope that you do the same to you, believe in yourself, too.

Wherever you are right now, I hope that you’re happy.. that you’re finally getting there. I hope that you already got the recognition that you’ve always wanted. I hope that you’re smiling that contagious smile of yours and that you’re done with comparing yourself to anyone.

And when you look at the stars tonight, just like you always do, I hope that you see not only the past but as well as the future full of hope and happiness.

“I used to believe in one true soul mate, but not anymore.
I believe you can have a few.”
– Paul Walker


Liking the idea that you can meet a few rather than one Soulmate.. or maybe..
we can call them angels instead?

G o b l i n

I waited for you in winter..


waited for you in winter,
in the cold you’ve gone astray

I waited for you in spring,

like flowers, my heart still blooms

I waited for you in summer,

in spite the blinding sun’s fire

I waited for you in fall,
trees withering yet hope unfailing

I’ll still wait for you,
as the winter air comes breezing again

Eternally,
my dear.

 

 

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE ANYWAY

a reminder to self.

 

Why do we have the need

to meet other’s expectation of us?

Screw that.

Challenge yourself.

Expect yourself to do the best.

But not for anyone.

Never.

 

Why not do what you want?

Why bother with what they think?

If you’re not hurting anyone intentionally,

then it’s all good.

 

Criticisms will always be there.

People will always have something to say.

Let them, if that’s what makes them happy,

If that’s the life that they chose for themselves,

let them.

It’s not your business anyways.

 

Loved ones stopping you from what you want to do?

Screw that, too.

You love them, yes,

But you are not obliged to do what they want.

If they love you too,

They’ll support you and not cage you.

 

Again, if you’re not hurting anybody intentionally,

If you’re still trying to be a good person,

then it’s all good.

 

But to be a good person doesn’t mean to succumb to anyone.

 

Live your life.

Regrets from doing something

rather than not doing anything

can be quite tormenting.

 

So do it.

Cast away your inhibitions.

 

After all,

we’re all gonna die anyway.

 


a little something to remind myself. Yes, i’m writing this for myself, and to, maybe, inspire others, but mostly to remind myself.

Manifest Your Heart’s Desires

“I recommend that you read The Alchemist.”

“I recommend that you read the Alchemist.”

– Growing Up by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

We attract what we think. You might have heard and seen this often and not really pay too much attention. You might be skeptical, too, just like how I was, but there is truth in this statement.

I am slowly learning and relearning that everything begins with our thoughts. Try to think of the things that you want to happen, things that you want to achieve. Try to envision it, it will be hard at first, especially if you are so used in expecting and experiencing unfortunate events happen to you, but just try.

There is one Oprah interview of Jim Carrey where he told the story of how he wrote a 10-million-dollar check to himself when he had nothing yet. He did it just to lift himself up. He kept that note in his wallet for years and years and on the same year that he dated the check with, he did make $10 million for a movie that he starred in!

It may not sound as simple as it really is, but what started as a visualization of things to only make himself feel better later became a reality. And if someone did it by starting with a single thought, then so can we!

Our minds are powerful. It can lead us to bigger and greater things if we only start to believe in it.

It’s not going to be easy. It will be a process. It might take years to reach something. And yes, we won’t always be in that calm, happy and good state, because that’s how life works, and there is always going to be a day, or weeks, in which you may think that it’s not working. You may feel that everything is still the same and you are just going in circles, but I believe that if we are aware of it means that we are still on the right track.

Don’t let go of the vision on where you want to be, on what you want to feel.

Same goes with our dreams, our Personal Legend, the things that we are passionate about, the things that we love to do, the things that give us a sense of purpose. Perhaps the Universe is just waiting for our move, beginning with our minds, so that it can do its part in helping us manifest what it is that we truly desire.

Think It. Claim It. Work on It. Reach it.

Praying that we can all manage to continue hoping.
To continue living.


*Listen to Macklemore’s Growing Up. Read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. Reread it. If you feel lost, read it again. Go for your Personal Legend. Still cheering for all of us.