I’m The One I Should Love

I know I’m not lacking, but you make me feel that I am.

Relationships. Having a partner. Settling down.

For as long as I can remember, that’s all I’ve ever heard. From family, to friends, to acquaintances, it’s always the same, it’s all they ever ask. I guess at 25, that’s what people expect of you.

And I am getting tired of all these questions. Is that all you can think when we talk? Is that all that you can see when you look at me? Does my face screams ‘I need someone, I’m incomplete.’?

“Do you like someone?” you asked. “You should go out, meet people.” you proposed. “We’ll find someone for you.’ you pushed. As if looking for someone should be my top priority. As if being by myself is not enough. As if doing what I want to do and working on my dreams is insignificant.

Surely, if I’m being honest, there are times when I wonder if I will ever have that someone by my side, too. Because let’s face it, who doesn’t want to feel love? Who doesn’t want to be loved? No one.

But every time I make an effort for myself, you think it’s for someone else. You think that that’s what I want right now, that that’s what I need, but telling me all these only result in making me feel worse about myself. I know I’m not lacking, but you make me feel that I am.

Don’t look at me like there’s something wrong with me. I’m not incomplete. I’m not broken. And I am done letting you define me for one thing only. Who I am now is enough. I am enough.

And when that time comes when I would finally meet that someone, I would make sure that the choice to be with him is because I wanted to and not because somebody forced me to.

And right now, I’m the one I should love.


Featured image from Unsplash.

Published on Thought Catalog and Unwritten.

G o b l i n

I waited for you in winter..


waited for you in winter,
in the cold you’ve gone astray

I waited for you in spring,

like flowers, my heart still blooms

I waited for you in summer,

in spite the blinding sun’s fire

I waited for you in fall,
trees withering yet hope unfailing

I’ll still wait for you,
as the winter air comes breezing again

Eternally,
my dear.

 

 

The End.

At first glimpse, they already knew..

At first glimpse
They already knew
Similar but not
Opposite and alike
Waiting for their
Turn to speak

Everyone can see
Familiarity in their eyes
Silent conversations
Writings on same page
Both falling to
Simultaneous steps

Always been
A good company
Always got
Each other’s back
In spontaneity
They’re better together

Little arguments
Closer they became
Mimicking
Each other’s actions
Affections they
Would never show

Shy looks
Never staring
Flesh to flesh
Barely touching
Only had that
One embrace

She’s full of emotions
She’ll never show
He always wonder
He’ll never know
Never met
On short distance

Their time trickling
In the slim hourglass
All that they are
is an almost-almost story
At last glimpse
They already knew.


Release.

She Would No Longer Be Your Friend

After all those dreams that would never be,
she finally woke up.

And now you’re losing her.

After all those dreams that would never be,

she finally woke up.

And now you’re losing her.

She would no longer talk to you. She’d no longer message you. No more initiating and prolonging conversations nor asking how you are. No more typing and retyping words in hopes that you’ll find some interest. She’d no longer try to make you smile when all that it is doing is take away hers.

She would no longer wait. No more waiting for the time that she’ll see you again. She’d no longer wait for your name to pop up. No more waiting if you’d remember that it’s her birthday and if you’ll ever notice that she’s not okay. She’d no longer wait for you to ask how she is.

She would no longer expect you to reciprocate – would no longer expect you to be the friend that she thought she needed. It’s unfair and wrong for both of you, she realized that now. She finally understand that no one can force someone into staying. She would stop clinging in to what you were, she’d no longer see you as her hope.

She would no longer try. No more trying to be what you need. She now knows that she can never be that friend, still she hopes for you to meet one, someone. She hopes for you to achieve all that you want ’cause she believes that you deserve it. She still wishes you well and still hopes for your happiness.

Perhaps you might not even notice but you would no longer hear from her. You would no longer be the one she thinks of sharing her stories with – good or bad. You would no longer be the person she remembers when a certain song plays. You would no longer be a constant thought in her mind. You would no longer see her. She would no longer be there.

She would no longer be your friend.

You already lost her.